That's what I Want out of life
by newyorkwriter
Summary: Nothing you could want out of life is perfect, but you can try to make it better. Addison one shot. please read and review


A/N: lyrics (Italics) by Bonnie Raitt's - Wounded Heart. Amazing song. Really. Go find it and download it. Thats my advice for the day. On another note, I heart Addison Montgomery. She's pretty amazing. Though Derek is an ass. Sorry to those who like him. But he needs a swift kick in the ass. or other places. Sorry but he does. Please read and tell me what you think. I'm not going to beg or grovel for reviews. Not my style. I just like to hear others opinions. Whether they like it or not. Go forth and read thy story. - L

* * *

_Wounded heart I cannot save you from yourself_

I always thought I wanted more out of life.

Out of the people involved in it.

Especially the ones in my life.

_ Though I wanted to be brave, it never helped._

There were few that I trusted whole-heartedly

While others that I just tolerated.

Then there was my husband.

_'Cause your trouble's like a flood raging through your veins_

He was different. Special perhaps

Maybe that's why I trusted him with my heart and tolerated just his ego.

But it wasn't a surprise when are marriage fell apart.

_No amount of love's enough to end the pain_

We knew something was wrong.

But we just hoped that it would last.

But things change. And he left.

_Tenderness and time can heal a right gone wrong,_

I have no idea where he went.

I can't call him when I need to hear his voice.

I can't call him when I've had a bad day.

I just can't. Because he left.

_But the anger that you feel goes on and on._

I have no one to tell my secrets to anymore.

Somebody who will listen to everything that I have to say.

And who can figure out when something's really wrong.

I want to be able to tell him my secret, my something special.

What he left behind. Just because he wouldn't listen.

_And it's not enough to know that I love you still_

He'll never get to know his daughter.

This sweet adorable loving child.

Who will never actually get to meet her dad.

And that's where the real tragedy lies.

Because he's missing out on something special.

Something that we should have shared together.

_ So __I'll take my heart and go for I've had my fill_

I know that he blames me for what happened to us.

But he was wrong. It wasn't my fault. Not really.

Because I never cheated. He just assumes that I did.

Only because he found me embracing his best friend in our bed.

If he had looked closer he would have seen my tears.

Noticed my pale face and the roundness of my growing stomach.

But he didn't. Which I think hurts more than him leaving.

_If you listen you can hear the angel's wings_

And because of all this.

Julie gets to grow up without her dad.

She knows what he looks like. And what his name is.

It's funny because she has your smile.

And your soft sweet caring eyes.

But she's got my nose. And my crimson hair with the tiniest bit of curls.

She's really the perfect combination of the both of us.

_Up above our heads so near they are hovering_

I found out years later where you had ended up.

It hurt to know that you had a new life.

A family with somebody else. Somebody new to love.

You just jumped without even looking back.

But you did get to meet Julie once. Without even realizing it.

It was Christmas. It was the first one since your dad had passed away.

_Waiting to reach out_

It's funny because your family knows her better than you do.

I was in the kitchen with Julie when you had waked in.

She had slipped and called you dad, before running out of the room.

You didn't say anything about it. Just assumed that I had moved on.

Just Like you did. But I didn't. You always were are an idiot. Always assuming things.

I never got close enough again to giving somebody my heart.

Because you still had it. After all those years. After the heartache.

After having watched Julie struggle with not having her dad around.

_F__or love when it falls apart_

I think you finally caught on one day. When you had looked into her eyes.

That's when I knew you'd figured it out. There was no yelling this time. No crying.

You had asked me if I had known if I was pregnant then. When you had left. I said yes.

And added that, that night, Mark had found me in the bathroom.

Sobbing uncontrollably. Because he had figured it out. He knew.

He knew that I was pregnant before anyone else. Even you.

He was offering his support. Because he knew you'd never notice.

_When it cannot rise above a wounded heart._

Whether we were married or not. You never would.

My husband had stopped paying attention to his wife long before that.

And that was the cause of everything that had gone wrong.

Because you had stopped noticing. Stopped listening. You had even stopped caring.

But that never stopped me from loving you any less.

I just hope that one day Julie can learn to love you as much as I do.

And one day. Just maybe. I can finally let someone get close enough to steal my heart away.

That's what I want out of life. To find somebody who loved me like you did.

_When it cannot rise above a wounded heart._


End file.
